i know its late and i would be suffering the most.. i admit it's all my fault and this syndrome have taken its price once again.. once again you asked?..yes, i have this time where my own syndrome would hit and take effect..and it has taken a toll again..
in this blog i would tell you what kind of person i am before i explain other things i would put in here later.
I am a very secretive person, expressing no more than what i need to show.. a very different person when at home and at school.. at home i am better left alone when i'm doing something even if i'm just surfing the net or playing.. i cook meals for the family but i don't eat what i have cooked.. i clean the house every weekends and do gardening stuffs too.. i sometimes help my mom wash our clothes during weekends when i'm not that busy.. i exercise daily..5am i am wide awake and ready for roadwork or jogging for others..usually watch movies till i drop.. but during weekdays, i don't wanna go home..i usually want to spend time at school chatting with friends.. even in my highschool years, my buds don't know what i am really up to.. what kind of music i listen to, something like that.. they refer to me as "boss" because one of my buds said that i handle things differently and effectively than most of them..sadly that's not the truth.. i am the type of person who can mimic other's personality and use them at will..i can handle things differently and effectively because that's what i observed from them..i am a learner of things around me..all of my buds are effective leaders and of them would be JM and another JM known as Mike or Juri.. my best buds since old times...if one would be effective leader, the other could be different..that's what i learned from them..they didn't know that i am only a mirror of what they are..
i have played in different sports and liked them so i'm somewhat sporty..but yeah, i stopped playing since i injured my knee..i have a good sense of direction, too good some would say..
i think the only thing i got above others except for the aikido and judo trainings i've been through, have a very long patience.. too long that i think has a negative effect on me..i am a good planner but i am zero in action..i admit that..i am the opposite of my friends...
i am a guy who could kill his emotions for the sake of going through something.. i just stay lively and happy when i'm not..i stay silent when i need and want to say something.. i could just laugh the whole with the group but inside i feel like i shouldn't be laughing like that.. i am not good at expressing what i like compared to everyone else..cause i prefer to hold it inside.. i don't wanna bother anyone with my own problems.. that's what i am..it's a little bit punishing when i hold back my emotions and helping someone on their problems..twice the weight of the problems i could carry but i manage sometimes to make it through..
the syndrome part would be my own problem..everytime i am in to someone, there would be this particular time where i would suddenly stop talking to that person..i can recall having this syndrome since grade school.i could say that that syndrome makes me lose everything i have put my efforts on.. and that's what i hate at most...
i know it's already late for everything..and i'm also late..its 7:32am...i just need to loosen up a bit before i go to school...
p.s :
as for God, i'm sorry for i think i have wasted the chance you have provided..asking you stuffs and chances but wasting it...
as for her, i take it all up..the fault was mine...i don't know what i am going to do or say..i am blank as of this moment.. i wish i could talk to you... still i feel the same for you and it won't change... i really want to say that i really wanna make it up to you...if you would give me the chance to.. (even if i think that i have wasted all of my chances)...
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