midnight think-a-lots part V

its already 11:20pm, eating peanuts while watching the news on tv and of course typing here...doing my usual 12midnight routine...and i hope that i would be able to sleep until 5 or 6 or best would be 7am...and i don't usually post blogs on the same day...

oh yeah! i heard my brother say "inaantok na talaga ako"..so it means that i have plenty of time to create this one...haha

still my head hurts..freakin' headache, forgot to drink my meds...afraid to have allergy again that would transform me to my "hulk" form...but yeah i'm still typing on this one so i'm fine...

i find it amusing how this site helps me to say what i can't say and put it in a form of a blog.. what i cannot say personally is written here (also the others). Like what Ate Hara Dyne Salle said to us (Jordan Garcia) "may mga bagay na hindi madaling sabihin, at may mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang sabihin"..i find it quite true..but when i think about this, it would be fair if every people would have the guts to tell it to others straight to their faces.. or would it be better if we keep on hiding something that would mean everything to the person?..

i know every person has his and her own secrets in life..may it be in terms of lifestyle, habit, attitude, love and everything else.. i won't exclude myself on this one because i always try to hide everything from others..i wanna live a secret life...i have so many secrets that i'm trying my best to hide from others, revealing it to them piece by piece.. i leave the connecting part to them...

i would stray away from that topic now...

i am loving you more everyday...i would literally lie to myself if i tell i'm not....i don't tell it personally because i'm thinking that you would say "so?" or "whatever" or others like that..and the fact that i don't tell it unless i have the chance to say it...i told to myself that i won't waste my time anymore.. but yet again, it seems that the busy schedule is taking a toll on my time,... can't do any actions that would prove any part or piece of what i feel...this is such a hard time for me but like i told you before, i can manage..here i am again, waiting for my time, afraid that i would waste so much time for another chance...i'm not gonna let that happen..i said before "may kasunod pa yan... " and i really mean it...

its already 1210am and my peanuts are well...yeah..ate it all...gonna chill for a while then will try to go to sleep....

Think-a-lots Part 4

its very rare for me to post a blog at this time of the day..usually i post it during the night...well it doesn't matter though...it's still a blog...

its hard for me to stay asleep for long..like earlier, accidentally woke up by 3am and had a hard time going to sleep and maybe you're wondering why..i don't usually tell anyone what happens when i woke up at those times and why it is hard for me to go back to sleep..so i'll post it here..not entirely what happens though...

first thing i do is check my phone for time purposes..then i'll see your picture, pretty nice to start eh?..that's when random thoughts enter my mind..

as i said in my first think-a-lots, i am a man of what ifs..trying to weigh every angles of the situation and learning from it or preparing for it.. but today, its not applicable.. all i can say to myself is "stay and be there for her, whatever may happen"..

i try to not be affected by her posts (even if its not for me) in other sites.. but what else can i do?, when i think it won't do me any good to continue reading things, i usually closes the tab for a couple of minutes, maybe 30mins up to 1hr...then checks for new updates and closes it again after..i have the habit of not posting anything when i read something that caught my attention.....

yeah i check the net during those times (referring to 3am onwards)....

when i have trouble going back to sleep at those times, i usually go out the room, get a can of soda and go out the house..just stay in the terrace where i placed our old sofa (its leather so it's easy to clean), sitdown, grab my psp and play some music to lighten up the mood. and when i think its ok to sleep, welcome 5am...time for roadwork..and i won't go back to sleep...

so yeah...my sleeping pattern is distressful...but yeah, i still can manage...usually sleeping by 12 or 1am...waking up by 3 or 4.. longest would be 5am....thinking about stuffs...

its 8:12am and usually i'm taking a freakin' bath already...

Re-blog from a post a year ago

I need to be a Super Human..
who can do most of the things he wants..
who can work day and night without break..
he who can live without any food or drink for weeks..
and he who can feel no pain from all problems and sufferings in life..

it's hard to live like this..
and it's hard to work like this..
always thinking of that someone..
ugghhh..

(i'm not ranting though...maybe enjoying in other terms)

Phao Coates | Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1378092276

what to do.. what to do.... - phao coates [(-.-)] on Plurk

http://www.plurk.com/boyetnigurlie#

Thesis and think-a-lots part 3

as of now we are doing our thesis here in jm's place..thinking about what to do in our methodology..and random thoughts are running through my mind again as i type every bit of this blog..

this is i think part 3 of my blog of thoughts... yeah.. all i see is we're doing better.. in fact we are back to how we are.. i'm waiting for the best to come..
i thought i could see you yesterday to make my day the best day ever.. but yeah, i didn't see you even your shadow in the corner of my eyes.. still i'm grateful that i'm able to talk to you until 2am.. that almost made my day...
browsing through your pages (different sites) i've stumbled upon you're status... since i'm in no mood of typing it, i'll just copy paste...

"let's keep pretending and see how long we can last."

i don't wanna be a T.H regarding this stuffs but i can't help it. it was posted on her page in plurk.. maybe she's right that we're just pretending to be..but i know for myself that i don't pretend to love her or what.. i know that it is what i really feel, no pretentions and no questions asked..my closest friends knows about that alot.. could someone tell me that this is just a test or something else?..

i don't wanna focus on that one but that would make the whole of this blog..this is how i think about things...

its 4:53pm..still debating on how are we gonna select the sample size for our survey...

devcomm project making here in JM's place..along with jordan, boj, pritch, anthony and reg.. :)

think-a-lots part II

its already 9:59pm and i'm drinking coke light while doing this one..

another session of my "think-a-lots"....

struggling to think of ways on how to "act" or make "the moves" like others would say..yeah..i think it would be hard but it will take all the guts i have to do that on that day... i already consider it to be my last chance..pretty sure you're thinking "why? it's to early to say that.." well, think again...no offense to others but i'm not that "manhid" or something not to notice what's happening around me..i am that observant to everyone..especially to their moods and habits and records them to my mind..pretty like a cctv camera or something close to that...

i know something changed for the past few weeks of me being indecisive and stuff...all i can say is that i don't know what to do at all...i wanna do something but can't because as i said earlier..i am an indecisive person.....

i hate regrets...but i can say that as of the moment i am full of it...wasted so much precious time that may brought change to our stat...time to do something for her out of love....i have let so many opportunities passed by all because of this waiting for the proper time...if i just grabbed those opportunities, no one may tell what will happen...it maybe for the good and i've just picked a wrong turn...

i was skimming through her *insert website here* page..and read past convos and post...i know i'm becoming TH (tamang hinala as others coin it)... but what if? what if i am the one she wants to unlearn like jimmy bondoc said..what if she gave up and said can't do anything about it?...you'll be thinking like me if you're really in to that person... but a post always struck me when i visit her page.. "sometimes, people get only one chance and they blow it."... i always think about that every night...what if i have blown my chance on her?...

so now i'll gather all my guts to do what i must for that day..maybe, just maybe.. that would be my last chance... i can't tell if i have lost my chance already so i'll do my very best to get another chance..and i won't let my indecisiveness ruin that day..and if ever i am blessed with another..i won't let it slip away..i won't!

i am all like this..but i am a professional..

10:27 pm,, still drinking coke..3rd can.....

Exam blues and think-a-lots

exam week nanaman .. grabe.. one exam lang for this midterms.. pero ok na din kesa maraming exam diba..hirap kasi mag-aral kapag sabay sabay na ung lesson and subjects... goodluck sa may maraming exam...

anyways.. siguro ilang weeks na rin akong nag-iisip (syet nag-iisip ako..haha!).. i finally figured out na i've wasted so much time thinking about things and what to do.. waiting won't do me anything good.. i know i must act.. i need to make a move to stay.. something has changed in the past weeks and i'm totally aware of it.. i just can't do anything at all.. i don't know why.. i wanna do something that will pay-off the greatest for the lost weeks.. now i have a plan.. but i don't know if i can make it..or if "she"'s still open for the thing.. if i lost the chance already..i am wishing for another one this coming week... i'll make it up with "her"......

i just hope so.......

i won't fail this time........