faults...

still thinking about everything i did. What wrong turns i have taken along the way..i have seen opportunities but didn't took the risk to grab it.. i know I AM the problem and not her.. the way i think about things.. the way i act these past few months..it's all my fault..I just don't know what to do right now..

I don't want her to go away..i don't want her to..but i didn't entirely notice the things that i am doing are the ones making her go.. i still want to be with her..before i sleep and right after waking up, i check my phone hoping for just a single text message from her to show up in the screen..even waking up in the middle of the night just to see my phone..

 i have turned my back on her..but just days of not talking to her months ago, i found out i made the worst decision i had made in my life..i wanna talk to her already the time she stayed late in the kubo after the OJT seminar...but i think that the "torpe feeling" Franny told me had taken effect that time..and up until now..i am a fool to let that feeling rule over me and i am the fool that turned his back on someone he loves..

 i have broken a promise i have made with someone..i'm not gonna tell that person's name..as j said, i have broken a promise i have uttered to that person.. "i won't hurt her and i won't turn away"...i am the person who fulfills his promises but i did break that promise so i feel ashamed of myself until now...

i am thinking these past few weeks..i wanna go back..but will she gave me another chance for it? i know i have asked chances before and i know that it is too much to ask right now.. i just want to show my feelings for her and i won't leave her again...i'll kill this "torpe feeling" right now if needed..

i know that i have done things to hurt her.. i just want to show or just tell her how sorry i am for doing those stupid things..to show how much i care for her.. to show and let her feel how i love her so....

 "But now, every time I think of the time that I want to tell you that I want to be with you, I just can't imagine how I can be the person for you, and give you everything that you deserve." - Ninja Friend....