Friday night dream

3:21pm Saturday, December 15, 2012..

i had this dream.. i was with my brother and a certain girl who i can't recognize.. we were going to a certain mall by commute.. it felt real, i can feel the wind hitting my face as we rode the jeepney, i can hear the bustling city noise.. everything felt real.. then i felt someone grabbed my hand and it was this girl i am with.. she was sitting next to me, my brother on the other side of the small jeepney.. we're not talking with each other rather, i was trying to get a glimpse of her face, her hand was familiar, even her scent.. we got out of the jeep a few minutes later and my brother said he must go and meet someone so i said take care bro and i was left with this girl holding my hand and she began to walk as i walk beside her..we just go and went to boutiques, arcades and just chat..  her voice was familiar, very familiar.. we headed for the cinema, bought two tickets for this new movie and got the afternoon screening.. so we just went to this diner to eat and kill time.. we've talked about things happened before..why those things happened.. it was a lengthy chat and now i have an idea who she was.. i was trying to make sure that my hunch was right when she suddenly pointed out the time and said that we will be late for the movie screening.. so she held my hand and we rushed to the cinema.. it was a lengthy film and we both enjoyed it.. we got out of the theater and went home..

 It was dark.. around 8pm.. we rode the van going to her place..i payed for two and we got on the van.. we didn't talk while in the van because the other passengers were asleep.. she just leaned her head on my shoulder.. and asked me why those things happened before.. i couldn't utter a word.. we just sat there in silence until we reached our destination.. we got off in a gas station, where we rode a jeepney to their place..

We got off in this street with tricycles.. the area was familiar indeed..we walked up until we reached their house.. now i know who she was... we said goodbye to each other and i kissed her forehead..waited for her to get inside the house, and waved goodbye.. minutes later i received a text message from this unknown number and said "Thanks for the wonderful time..".. my alarm goes off and i woke up...


The mall we went to was Alabang Town Center (ATC).. i remembered purchasing two tickets to this new movie... and it was the upcoming Superman film... the girl? she was the one whom i courted for almost 1 1/2 years.....

"if everything i did before made and reached something... that dream wouldn't have been a dream, it would be a reality...."

Books and the Looks

Bakit  Hindi Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo?

Ramon Bautista

One of the most entertaining books i have read (actually i don't read that often but yeah, i've read quite alot of books since highschool days). It is a compilation of questions asked by different people with love problems to Mr. Ramon Bautista on his formspring account, http://www.formspring.me/ramonbautista. 

About the author: Ramon Bautista is a self-proclaimed internet action star and next boyfriend material. He took up Film and Audio-Visual Communication in the University of the Philippines as his undergraduate course and pursued graduate studies in the same field. He is a university teacher, radio DJ, TV show host, film producer and commercial model. (Source: pg136, Bakit Hindi Ka Crush ng Crush Mo?)

As i have said on the first part of this blog, its a compilation of different questions which varies from school problems to love problems from different individuals who idolizes Mr. RB. HHoe provides straightforward answers, suggestions and insights in a somewhat solid, sometimes in a derogatory manner but in a way that he wants to open the eyes and minds of the people who is in that situation who is afraid of the facts in front of them.

The book has ten (10) chapters all in all:

• Chapter 1 - Ayaw nya sa'yo
• Chapter 2 - Moving on techniques
• Chapter 3 - Long Distance Relationship
• Chapter 4 - Paano sasabihin kay mommy na bagsak ka
• Chapter 5 - Paano Lumandi
• Chapter 6 - No Boyfriend Since Birth
• Chapter 7 - Ba't di ka crush ng crush mo?
• Chapter 8 - Premarital Sex
• Chapter 9 - Paano ganahan magstudy
• Chapter 10 -  How to live an awesome life

There's a wide range of topics and questions in each of the chapters and you will learn things that you have not realized before and at the same time, you'll enjoy reading each and every page of this book. Its an eye opener for all teens up to older years.

* * * * * * * * * * 

Personally, I have learned so much reading this book. I've learned how to deal with the things that still bothers me, though i lack the ability to do most of it. Fun book to read actually. There is this chapter wherein he was criticized by a fellow poster that he indirectly promote discrimination and cyber bullying by the way he answers every question asked by formspring members. 

Post: I was a fan until i read your responses to your followers. I just want you to know that you "indirectly" promote discrimination and "cyber-bullying" with your responses. Please answer constructively. It won't make you less of a person.

RB: Edi i-unfan mo sarili mo

You can't stop cyber bullying. What I promote is strength of character. If they bully you, I encourage you to stand up and say "so what?! I'm enjoying my life, walang basagan ng trip." It's a mean world out there. The internet's a similar world where they weed out the emotional and mental weaklings like you. If you can;t handle it, stay out of my internet love triangle and just follow Paolo Coelho and other positivity-charged teen soul chicken soup websites. Or better yet, go offline and fund sanctuary in the comfort and safety of your parents.

And yes, right now I'm discriminating and cyber bullying you. Now give me that "so what?! I'm enjoying my life, walang basagan ng trip" attitude. It won't make you less of a person.

Source: pg113, Bakit Di Ka Crush Ng Crush Mo

He answers that way to some post, some he answers in a funny way but there are times that he's having a hard time answering and asks for help from fellow formspring members. He has a pretty positive outlook in life. 

* * * * * * * * * *

In love, problems will rise from time to time, its part of the challenge on being in a relationship with someone. But even singles fight their own problems of looking for the right one or the pwede na yan for some. Its hard, really hard. 

In a guy's perspective, we do the courting, the effort, the waiting and the sacrifice just to have the chance to hear that girl's sweet "Yes". But many of us reached the end line with a "no". Its pretty hard to accept I will vouch for that. Doing those things out of love, the effort done, sacrifices, and the waiting game for how long? weeks? months? even a year? then its just a "no"? Guys know that its part of the cycle, the taking of risks and stuff. Why do the other party let them do those things for a long time then just say no?. Then girls will complain that they can't find the right guy for them. Look at the "friendzoned" guys and you will find the right one. We won't show that its not okay for us to hear that "no" and the reasons, We won't say that we can't accept that decision. We will just go with what the other wants us to be for them, whether it will do good for us or not. Things that we did in the past for those ladies will be remembered in a series of flashbacks and its just too hard to go after that. I don't speak for all the males of the world like an Alpha Male. I am just stating the things other guys have went through and experienced (yeah, such as myself). 

Move on, its all about moving on until we are too far to see where we came from..

Easy? tell that to a guy who did everything for someone, wasted time and effort just to be with that someone. hell yeah easy.. pfft. hahaha

"There is more to life than love"

Ramon Bautista

1:02am 11/03/12 Sunday

We Were There.. Realizations

Bokura Ga Ita / We Were There

Anime, Manga

Genre: Drama, Romance, Shoujo, Slice of Life

One of the best anime ever created, Bokura Ga Ita (We Were There) is about the story of main characters, Yano Motoharu and Nanami Takahashi; their school life, how they met, their relationship, and their struggles in life. Its a must read and must watch series because we can learn some valuable lessons just by watching or reading it. An anime that has values embedded on it, values that you will think about for a certain time and finally realizing that it may happen in real life.

For me, this is the best manga / anime ever created. i can easily put myself in Yano's place, i have encountered the same problems before and when i had the chance to watch this anime, i easily understood what happened that time, and more of exactly how i think of things before. I'm not a great guy, not a bad guy either. I'm just in the middle, and i just like to keep it that way.

I have favorite quotations from that anime that i have pondered upon for a very long time and i still believe in it.

"if memories become dreams, then dreams also become illusions."

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"If I could change my past I will do it, if that will make you stop crying. I wish I could, 

but I can’t"

- this is the time where we wish that we could change our pasts to correct a mistake that we did..

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"I think it’s a lot easier to place the blame on yourself than someone else , if you blame someone else, you’ll get stubborn and say you’ll never forgive them but when you blame yourself, you can shrug it off since there’s nothing you can do about it, and you wont get angry that way either"

- one of my personal motto in life. For me, its a way to keep yourself cool and avoid conflict with others. 

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"someone once said that memories are just fractions of mind, when we remember, we fiddle these fractions around in what we think the right way. therefore, memories are creations. to remember means to dream.. and memories themselves are nothing more than mere illusions."

- you took a photo of your childhood in black and white show it to others and then you remember the color of your clothes, your toys and everything else way back that time. You are the only one who knew those things therefore creating the illusion to yourself and for others..

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For me, Memories are part of growing. We tend to create the best memories with those we consider as friends or family and at the same time we create the worst with them. Why? we're always there with them, through thick and thin, for better or for worse. We get to spend our time with them laughing and goofing around, forgetting all the problems we had and also, we spend some of the worst times with them, in some point we enter in an argument with our friends or family, we fight, we curse each other, but in the end, it will all be part of what we call memories and it will be an illusion that your friends or family will be the only ones who will live to remember those illusions.

I have made some things in the past not so long ago that i regretted the most. Pretty much like Yano Motoharu in the story, its normal that we regret something that we did in the past but its for us to leave it all behind and learn from it.

"You turn them into memories. The past holds as little reality as your dreams. Hurry and realize that already. and turn her into memories. Let go."

Lookin' way back

October 03 2012, Wednesday
9:44 PM

"khit paulitulit basahin yung letter nya sken ndi nkksawa basahin. nkktouch. nkkiyak. nkknginig. miss ko na sya. eto lng yun merun ako eh bukod sa pic nya yung naiwan skin na letter at messages na nkasave sa fone ko yun lng yung memories na matetreasure ko khit san ako mpunta. kung mgkita mn kmi sa future sna maalala nya pdin ako.gsto ko sya mkita at mgpasalamat sakanya ng personal."

just saw this one posted on a social networking site and well, felt the same..

at first i wanted to write about my opinion regarding the Cyber Crime Law but after reading that post, i felt a sudden urge to view photos of my friends way back 3 years ago.. Alot has happened since then.. but one day we could all go back to that.. Friends are Friends.. even if we all part ways, we will meet again at some point..

i don't have much to say.. i just wanna stop thinking for a moment, hanging like a program does or crashing into a fatal error at some point..


ERROR 404 - TEXT NOT FOUND
ERROR 404 - TEXT NOT FOUND
ERROR 404 - TEXT NOT FOUND
ERROR 404 - TEXT NOT FOUND
ERROR 404 - TEXT NOT FOUND
PHYSICAL MEMORY DUMPING AT 98%
.......
....
..
.

After 6 months...

Its been 6 months since my last blog entry.. i have read every one of my past blogs and one thing is for sure.. i have done so many things for someone, sacrificed and be hurt at the same time.. but that's life.. no one can predict life or anything that will happen.. you can't tell what will happen tomorrow or even the next minute.. you can't even tell if you and her (or you and him) will last or not, or if the two of you are meant to be, no...

i have experienced being "fucked up" by life.. being there and loving someone, the thoughts of that person loving you back.. but at the end, it didn't work out.. and then regret comes.. started thinking about the what ifs.. those moments in your life you spent thinking about everything you could have done brings pain along with it.. and in the end, you'll realize how fucked up you are.. but you can't do anything to change what's done..

I've wasted 6 months or more thinking about what to do with my life.. i'll admit i still adore that person.. and i hope one day when the two of us meet again somewhere in this vast world.. i will have the courage to say "Long time no see....."