10:22PM April 30 2011 Saturday
its a sad time for the whole clan..
my mom's eldest sister died earlier..1:25pm...hindi ako nakaabot sa hospital...sad? yes..very much..she's a good tita all along..
one problem after another then this one...so far kaya pa naman...
napasoundtrip ako ng wala sa oras nung makarating sakin ung news about my tita..i don't know why pero i was in the middle of the jeepney ride going to Parañaque then i suddenly said to manong 'para na po"...i went down several blocks away from where i should get off..crossed the road then rode a jeep back home...
i've been downloading and watching my fave anime earlier... Bokura Ga Ita, a 26 episode anime..the most realistic anime story out there..every thing that happens in the story are real..no impossibilities..quite ironic to be exact..i've watched this series for about 3 times already and still can't stop myself...my favorite part would be Episode 4...by the way..its a story of a highschool student Nanami Takahashi who eventually met Yano Motoharu..also a highschool student..
maybe you're asking why am i watching that kind of stuff..i''ll just give you 3 reasons...first one.. Best story plot for an anime.. second, i like anime...and third and most important, i can connect with the story itself...
"it's a lot easier to place the blame on yourself than someone else.. if you blame someone else, you'll just get stubborn and say you'll never forgive them.. but when you blame yourself, you can shrug it off since there's nothing you can do about it.. and you won't get angry that way, either.." - Yano Motoharu Episode 3
i love that line and the way he delivered it in front of Nana..its his defense mechanism..so that he won't be mad at somebody..just blame his self....
everyone has his own defense mechanism..like that fictional character of Motoharu..or me as stated to my last blog..its a way for people to cope and avoid conflicts..some are easier said than done..
be here...always...
be here...look...
be here...at me..
just like this, forever...
the "first time" you gave me
to overflow in the palm of my hand.
if my heart wavered alone,
it seems like everyone would vanish
on that day, you
took hold of me
even though, even though
im so unreliable.
but you still stretched out your armd and hand to me, just a little bit.
be here.. with that...
be here.. gentle hand..
be here.. of yours..
and embrace me.
the path i always walk alone
is too wide, and only makes me lonely.
if we walked together, I'd be filled with happiness, and that'd be just fine.
If you're smiling,
i want to be smiling too.
yet..yet...
it seems like i'm the only one who will disappear.
oh wind..please gently tell her..
of my feelings toward her...
the season has 8 or 9 songs in it..every OST is pretty good...yeah it's in japanese but it's subbed and so are the meaning of the lyrics..this one i forgot the title..the song makes me think of things i've done a couple of weeks back..yes..its like holy week extension because still i'm not finished with these realization stuffs...
everyone's in the way, i waved my hand, but your back is
already swerving through the crownd of people and sinking into the evening sun.
I closed my eyes and began to remember
the words you told me. Only happy memories
are supposed to be there, but i became anxious.
why does my heart waver so?
i want to tell you about my overflowing feelings....
"I love you, i love you. I love you more than anything."
I want to turn around, run after you, catch up with you but
the sadness of the twilight sky swallowed my courage.
i'm in your smile.
even a short time after we've parted
i want to cry out like a lost child.
if only i could be honest with myself
i wouldn't had to go through this.
if Only....
yeah...if only..people commit mistakes..some of them are wrong decisions and some of them are of bigger decision making...and i'm one of those who did the biggest wrong turn in decision making...why?..because for some people could see that i already quitted..i already gave up..there are who says dummy or dumbass...but the truth is..i didn't quit..i don't quit on anyone worth fighting for...and if others are saying that i have given up on her already..the answer is a big NO...why would i waste time thinking and saying stuffs like these if i already given up?..i'm recomposing myself for the time that we will meet again..for i have wasted everything..
someone told me that..
"if that's where you at right now..you must endure and go conquer it yourself"..
i know that already..but still people are slapping it to my face..i just don't react to it..why?..i don't know how to react to it..as simple as that...how will you react if you read or heard something that you don't wanna read or hear?..how will you react to it in a snap?..well i'm not yet back to my old self so i can't process thoughts that fast..
i'm always online in facebook but i don't do much...daily routine..open fb..new tab..open gmail, yahoo mail, plurk..close tabs except facebook..minimize window..media player..turn off monitor..then lie down and think..for the past weeks i've been like this..thinking of what to do...
my friend kelci..yep she's from the trekking tropa..asked me one time..
"bakit si yano ung profile pic mo?..nakaconnect ka?"
"somewhat..bakit?.."
"wala lang..."
and now we both figured out at the same time..most of the time i act as Yano but most of the time i think like Nana..a combination of both...
still..i'm learning alot..things that i won't do again...and still...the feeling of falling in love yet again for the same girl without actually losing what i feel for her the first time, it's still here..and someone asked me.. "miss mo na siya no?" isn't the answer so obvious already?...a big YES......
