thoughts in letters / think-a-lots Part 20

12:09am April 17 2011 Sunday

nawala ung antok ko nung nagbukas ulit ako ng browser..dapat patulog na ko..naisipan ko lang talaga magcheck at magupdate ng mga accounts ko..kakatapos lang din manood ng Watchmen tsaka Here Comes The Bride..soundtrip nalang ngayon pampaantok....

its been a week since nagsimula kaming maghanap ng mapapag-OJT-han..and sa tingin namin isa lang yung pinalad na paunlakan kami ng interview..sinabihan din kaming probably magstart kami sa monday which is bukas pero hinihintay pa namin yung tawag nila for feedbacks regarding the interview..sana makapagstart na din kami bukas...the site was good..around makati..part of everything, from advertising to model aircrafts to online gaming..that's what the company is..got nothing to do but wait for the call......

i stop counting the days or weeks passed since huli kaming nag-usap..mas mahirap kasi kung bibilangin ko pa ung mga araw diba...na pwedeng magkausap kami..na nasayang because of me being undecided on stuffs..i have failed many times in my life..i don't wanna fail on this one too...willing to risk anything that i have....

kung may lakas lang ako ng loob para kausapin sya (hindi ko na din alam kung bakit di ko sya makausap..i take the fault for that)..di sana magkakaganito.....

and my mates are all there trying to calm me down

cause i'm shouting your name all over the town

i'm swearing if i go there now

i could change her mind turn it all around

i know that i'm drunk and i'm saying the words

and she'll listen this time even though its slurred

Dialed her number and confessed to her, 
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

hindi ko din magets kung bakit sa tuwing nag-gm sya eh sakto namang kakatapos lang ng unli ko...kaya hindi ako makareply kahit na gusto ko (at kahit na alam kong hindi sya magrereply..)...haiii......

hanggang dito nalang muna siguro...nablangko na rin sa wakas ung utak ko dahil sa hindi makatulog ng ayos kakaisip...2am na tulog...nagigising after an hour or two...tapos hindi na makakatulog...araw araw...for 2 weeks na siguro..bago pa mag defense week.....haiii.........

**nagsayang ng time para bumili ng ticket for two...na di na rin pinanuod kasi ikaw ang gusto makasama..next time nalang araneta.......**

=============================

7:18am April 18, 2011 Monday

kakagising ko lang..napansin ko lang...ang dami ko na palang naiblog..pang 20 na to...as of now still deciding kung pupunta sa meeting later or pupuntang makati para maghanap ng mapapag-OJT-han..

nagising ako bigla kaninang 3:31am..a minute late sa mga normal na gising ko...as usual di na ko nakatulog after...kala ko pa naman sa sobrang pagod ko kahapon sa pagbubuhat ng gamit eh mahaba ang magiging tulog ko..ayun..PSP mode nalang hanggang bago ako mag online..lumipat na nga pala ng bahay sina ate and yes tinulungan ko silang maglipat..buhat ng cabinet dito, buhat doon...andami nilang gamit pero ok lang..minsan lang naman eh..worth it na din kasi nakapag-lipat din kami ni kuya ng kwarto..mas malaki na kumpara dati..pero hindi pa din tapos kasi pagod na kami kagabi...etong computer nga di pa namin nalilipat eh...pati ung tv....

ang aga aga soundtrip agad ng kapitbahay narinig ko...well in fact maganda naman ung song..di ako nairita..sakto yung song...

Beautiful In My Eyes

Joshua Kadison

You're my piece of mind, in this crazy world 

You're every thing I've tried to find 

Your love is a pearl 

You're my Mona Lisa 

You're my rainbow skies 

And my only prayer is that you realize 

You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn 

And the seasons will change 

And all the lessons we will learn 

Will be beautiful and strange 

We'll have our fell of tears 

Our share of sight 

My only prayer is that you realize 

You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes 

And the passing years would show 

That you will always grow 

Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face 

From a life time of smiles 

When the time comes to embrace 

For one long last while

We can laugh about how time really flies 

We won't say goodbye 

'Cause true love never dies 

You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes 

And the passing years would show 

That you will always grow 

Ever more beautiful in my eyes

The passing years would show 

That you will always grow 

Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

simple yet true..and i dedicate this song to her..antagal ko ng iniisip ung title ng song na to eh..ngayon ko lang nakita...exact song para sakanya..as i have said in my past blogs..its a once in a lifetime chance of finding and meeting someone like her..sabihin nyo ng corny o baduy pero that's what i believe in..di nyo siguro maiintindihan kasi hindi nyo pa nararamdaman..as for me, sa dami na ng nakilala kong tao sa buhay ko..halo halong ugali, pag-iisip at kung ano ano pang gusto nyong pagkumparahin..i'll say that she's different from everyone that i know or that i have met..very different in a way that she's one in a billion, not million..the one that caught my attention and feelings..the one i'm always thinking about...and yet hanggang ngayon no chance of communication...no replies what so ever...so many things i wanted to tell her personally..kahit nilagay ko na dito almost all pero iba parin kapag personal na sinabi...

hanggang dito na muna...late na eh...i miss her so much...its hard to miss that someone who you really loves....

==========================

4:36pm April 20 2011 Wednesday

currently watching discovery channel...

insomniac...2hours lang ang tulog...nakatulog na ko mga past 1am..pero nakahiga na by 12..tapos nagising ng 3am at hindi na nakatulog pa ulit...nag gm pa ko nun..di ko naisip ung oras at baka tulog pa sila...at dahil sa hindi na nga makatulog ulit..i opened my laptop..browsed some files..and then played..its been almost a month or two since na ganito na ung sleeping patterns ko...i know marami akong iniisip kaya ganito..sino bang hindi mapapaisip kung kayo nasa kalagayan ko...

gusto ko lang talaga magtype ngayon...kanina pa ko walang ginagawa eh..nagulat lang ako ng may nag pm kanin..di ko ineexpect pero ayos din..

hay...wala talagang magawa...out muna...i miss her na talaga....sa totoo lang...haiii.........................

haii....just waiting for a call from Modelworks..probably gonna be an intern/gamer on monday...still feeling down though............

waiting.. / Think-a-lots part19

11:22am April 12, 2011 Tuesday

sa mga oras na tinype ko tong blog na to ay andito ako sa jfh kubo..andaming nageenroll sa cla..kaya napapaisip ako kung tama ba ung desisyon nila na sa CLA at lalo na sa COM magenroll?..akala ba talaga nila ganun kadali yung course natin?..goodluck nalang sakanila..

maaraw at mahangin dito sa kinauupuan ko..busy lahat kasi maya maya eh pangalay na at halos lahat ata mabibigyan ng award..pero ayokong magpunta..kasi tinatamad ako sa totoo lang..same award din naman ang makukuha ko eh..so baka next time ko nalang kunin ung certificate pagnagkataon..i'm currently waiting for rizza here in the kubo.di ko namalayan na lunch na pala...nasanay lang siguro ako talagang maghintay ng matagal..skyflakes for lunch..skyflakes din ang dinner kagabi..ano kaya mamayang gabi?.. ayun..buti nagtext si rizza na after lunch na sya pupunta which is quite alright para di na magutom..and ako eto kumain ng skyflakes habang nagttype..

talk about Pangalay..halos lahat ata mabibigyan ng award dun..ang kaso eh kung sino ang sipagin pumunta..ung ibang awardee eh nagoOJT na..malamang hindi makakapunta ung mga un diba..pati nga sa Org namin wala atang pupunta..kung sipagin ako, edi ako kaso di rin ako nagdala ng semi formal, nakapambahay lang ako..kasi ung endorsement letter lang naman ung pinunta ko dito tsaka tumambay saglit kasama si rizza..tapos nalaman ko din na nagrelease na ng grades ang PR..2.75 lang nakuha ko..

and i wish you could give me a cold shoulder

and i wish you could still give me a hard time

and i wish i could still wish it was over

and even if wishing is a waste of time

even if i never crossed your mind

i leave the door in the latch if you ever come back

there'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back

there'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on

and it would be just like you were never gone

there'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat if you ever come back, if you ever come back now..

i admit na mahina ako sa mga ganitong bagay..alam ko madami pa kong dapat matutunan..nangangapa pa ko sa lagay na to pero i'm trying my best..masyado ng natatagalan pero kung alam ko na ung gagawin ko at natuto na ko sa mga bagay bagay mas ok diba..parang nagsisimula ulit ako..un ung nararamdaman ko..pero ok lang siguro..atleast may alam na ko sa mga kalakaran sa buhay..and this time sure na ko sa mga gagawin ko..

from this moment on im changing the way i feel

from this moment on its time to get real

cause i still don't know how to act

don't know what to say

still wear the scars like it was yesterday

and i still don't know how to start

still finding my way

still talk about you like it was yesterday..

yes hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula ngayon..alam ko kailangan ko na syang kausapin..sana pakinggan nya ko..at sana hindi pa huli ang lahat......

11:44am medyo umiinit na pero mahangin parin kaya ayos lang...........

===========================

10:18am April 13, 2011

walang magawa kaya nagsearch nalang ng episodes ng Phineas and Ferb..with my fave song from the series....

I should have known

from how I felt

when we were together.

And even more when we were apart!

You tiptoed in,

and you got under my skin!

You snuck your way right into my heart!

I put up barriers,

to shield my emotions.

A wall that you could never break apart!

Like a ninja of love,

repelling down from above!

You snuck your way right into my heart!

Oh Yeah!

un lang..wala magawa eh....i miss you na......hayy.....

sunday / Think-a-lots part 18

2:31pm April 10, 2011 Sunday...

kahit nahiwa ng butcher knife eto parin ako nagttype sa blog na to..kahit na may sira ang balikat sige parin sa type...nagssoundtrip nalang para kahit papano mapagaan ung nararamdaman ko...yep nag-eemo ako ngayon bakit?...may kausap pa kong isang namomroblema eh...tumagaya nalang kaya kami?..tutal 3days straight na kong natagay...di naman ako tatagay kung walang prob diba?...salamat pala sa mga titong nagsponsor nung grad celeb ng tropa...

buti nalang kapag nagloload ako naka alltext ako..alam ko na kasi hindi naman sya magrereply eh..kahit itext ko pa sya..pano ko nalaman?..syempre nagrereply naman ako sa gm nya...and yet di sya nagrereply..kahit dun man lang makausap ko diba?....eh wala eh...i know its my fault kung bakit di kami nagkakausap pero ngayong nagttry ako kahit sa text man lang wala parin...nakakalungkot lang diba...tapos ang tagal pa ulit bago magkita kita..syempre OJT na tapos me nagbalita pa sakin na dormer na sila..so walang balikan ng cavite for the weeks to come except for weekends...ano pang magagawa ko nun?...mas mahirap lang pero ok lang....kaya pa..kaya pa....makulit ba?...pasensya ganito talaga ako..di ako sumusuko sa alam kong gustong gusto ko...

nagkaroon nga pala kami ng trip ni bhebhe rizza nung isang araaw..paemohan ng kanta..kasi nagrequest sya na magpost ng mga kanta sa wall nya...ayun nga..hanggang gabi ganun lang ginagawa namin..napurga na sa kaka-youtube eh..pero sabi na nga rin ni rizza..parang sakin dapat ung mga songs na un...ayoko nalang pansinin eh...basta sya ang nagrequest na magpost at hindi ako...

still the same...di parin nakakapag-usap pero walang magbabago sa nararamdaman ko...di pa din ako susuko eh...kasi pagsumuko ako alam ko ako din ang mahihirapan at manghihinayang eh....kaya go lang... 

Do't Think 

Parokya ni Edgar

Please, Don’t
Worry ‘bout how things might turn out
Let Go, let everything go.

Go, Run
Lose Yourself down an unknown path
Get lost, no matter what the cost

Don’t think time away
Before you know it
The show is ended
Don’t be scared to fall
Just as long as you remember
That nothing came to those who didn’t try.

Stop, Look
Listen the moment might just pass, This time
Lay it all on the line

Don’t quit, Don’t Lack
Give it all and everything
Cause There may never be another time
Cause There may never be another time

Don’t think time away
Before you know it
The show is ended
Don’t be scared to fall
Just as long as you remember
To get up off the ground and try again

Don’t think time away
Before you know it
The show is ended
Don’t be scared to fall
Just as long as you remember
That nothing came to those who didn’t try.
Those who didn’t try 

sana maakaabot to...siguradong mamimiss ko sya ng sobra...kahit makita ko lang sya for the day okay na ko eh..pero mukang matatagalan pa ulit bago mangyari un....hayyy... :(

short lang / think-a-lots part 17

11:21pm April 7 2010 Thursday......

di pa ko kumakain..oo nagluto na ko...para gumaan gaan naman tong nararamdaman ko...kinakabahan ako eh...katulad nung time sa station...ganun na naman kanina....ewan ko ba...andun na ung chance oh...pero wala padin...wala din akong magawa kanina kaya nagpatugtog nalang ako ng the script..bakit?..ganda ng kanta nila eh.....at tsaka nagcopy na din ako ng mga soundtrip ni jm sa mp3 ko...palitan lang kumbaga...

---to be deleted---

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5:53pm April 8, 2011 Friday....

dapat sa ngayon wala na ko dito sa bahay kasi grad celebration ng HS Tropa..and hindi ako pwedeng mawala dun kasi gustong gusto nila akong makita hindi ko alam kung bakit...pero eto parin ako..edit ng blog...(yes nagedit lang ako...may mga binura ako na pinost ko lang talaga for one day dito sa part na to...) actually kahapon alam kong magsasabay kabi ni bii umuwi..kasi napagusapan na the night before..so ayun nga..di ko naman inexpect na tatagal kami ng hanggang gabi sa school...and nagulat din ako na nagstay sya sa school ng ganung oras..kasi maaga na sya laging umuwi...nanibago lang ako kasi nga tumagal sya ng mga past 6pm...and may OJT pa sila the next day..i don't know kung bakit pero hindi ko parin sya nagawang kausapin man lang..yes kinakabahan ako everytime na anjan sya kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko...falling in love again nga eh...twice the fun daw...twice the kaba...gusto ko na talaga sya kausapin nun pero para lang madivert ung kaba ko eh ginawa ko nalang ung paperworks ni JM...and konting O2 Jam (pampatanggal kaba..)..tapos nagpplay pa ung mga kanta ng The Script....ganda ng timing eh...

nagulat ako nung pagpunta nina bii sa kubo eh kasabay sya...yes she's bii's mom..pero may OJT diba?...pero ok na rin kahit papano kasi nakita ko sya for that day..hindi ko lang sure oh baka guniguni ko lang na nagsalita sya nung paalis na kami kasi nagpapagising ako kay Jm...basta...di ko maexplain ung nararamdaman ko eh.......

yes maganda pa rin sya..and yes lalo pa kong naiinlove...kasi wala naman akong ayaw sa kanya eh...ok lahat...madali kasi akong masanay kaya madali din akong manghinayang....baka kulang lang ako sa motivation para kumilos..kasi nauuna lagi kaba eh...walang tumutulak para makakilos ako....haii...........

eto ung song kung gusto nyo malaman......

If You Ever Come Back

The Script

If you're standing with your suitcase 
But you can't step on the train 
Everything's the way that you left it I still haven't slept yet 
 And if you're covering your face now 
But you just can't hide the pain 
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without ya  
If the truth is you're a liar When you say that you're okay 
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed going out of my head now  
And if you're out there trying to move on 
But something pulls you back again 
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room  

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder 
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
 And I wish I could still wish it was over 
But even if wishing is a waste of time  
Even if I never cross your mind 

 I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back 
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat 
 If you ever come back 
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on 
 And it will be just like you were never gone 
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now 
Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back  

Now they say I'm wasting my time 
Cause you're never coming home 
But they used to say the world was flat but how wrong was that now  
And by leaving my door open  I'm risking everything I own 
There's nothing I can lose in the break in that you haven't taken 

 And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
 And I wish you could still give me a hard time 
And I wish I could still wish it was over 
But even if wishing is a waste of time 
 Even if I never cross your mind 

 I'll leave the door on the latch  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back 
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back 
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on  
And it will be just like you were never gone 
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat 
 If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
 Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back  

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss 
I know you're out there somewhere, so just remember this
 If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss 
 Oh just remember this, oh just remember this 

 I'll leave the door on the latch 
 If you ever come back, if you ever come back
 There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat 
 If you ever come back 
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on 
 And it will be just like you were never gone 
There'll be a light in the hall and a key under the mat  
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
 Oh if you ever come back, if you ever come back now 

 And it will be just like you were never gone 
And it will be just like you were never gone 
And it will be just like you were never gone
 If you ever come back, if you ever come back now

yan ung song nung dumating sila....wala lang..pinost ko lang..haiii....

nagload nga pala ako para makapagtext (duh...) and yes, hindi sya nagrereply..so useless

din.......late na ko...di ko alam kung what time kasi ung celeb pero alam kong late na ko..

6:16pm.........